This Stinks

So many times, I have gotten to the end of my cycle and thought that this sub/infertility has to end sometime.  So many times, I have been more hopeful than I should have been.  If feels like this should have ended by now.

So many times, I have thought, "How much more of this can I really take?" 

Oh, God:

I know that in my weakness, I decrease and You increase--if I am open to this. 

I don't want to be prideful and try to take my fertility into my own hands, even if I am doing everything in the "approved" way.

I don't want to believe the lies that float through my head.  I know that I am not suffering this cross because I am less worthy than all of my other friends who are blessed with multiple children.  But, why do I let it linger in my mind at times?  Is it because I am already vulnerable due to my menstrual symptoms of fatigue, mental fogginess, feelings of depression, and physical pain?

I don't want to believe the worst lie of all that I am hearing in my mind--that I am suffering this cross because You don't love me.

Nonsense!

Lord, I know you are with me.  I know that I can never understand the vastness of your love for me and for all people.  I know this suffering is part of  being a human being and a follower of Christ.  Help me to trust in your providence.

St. Michael, the Archangel, defend us in battle.  Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.  May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God, cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits that wonder through the world seeking the ruin of souls.  Amen.