I have been struggling to write this post, because although I want it to give all of you IF'ers hope, I know it will pierce many of your hearts, and that makes me sad.
However, there is a season for everything, and this is my season to give thanks to God, because my innumerable prayers have been answered. My husband and I have conceived after about four years of secondary infertility!
God, thank you so much. I am extremely humbled by this gift you have given us, even if we never get to hold this baby in our arms. I know that I don't deserve it; I didn't do anything to earn it. You give the gift of life freely, and I can't believe you entrusted this little one to me and my husband. I just can't believe it.
I had resigned myself to the thought of having no more biological children. When I took the pregnancy test, I just wanted to get it over with so I could move on with my life for another month. I knew that it wasn't going to be positive, as it hadn't been for four years, except for once when I was duped by the hCG shot. I KNEW it wasn't going to be positive. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw two lines. "Nuh-uh!" I said out loud...to myself. I called my husband and told him I had a positive test, but I didn't believe it. I went to Wal.green's to pick up a second test, which I still didn't really believe.
I had blood work done, and my numbers looked really good, which was reassuring. I had an early ultrasound, and I got to see the baby move his/her little hands and feet, and hear his/her heartbeat.
I'm so not worthy of this incredible gift. I am going to lift up the rest of my pregnancies fears, anxieties, aches, and pains for those of you who are still waiting. I don't know if God will bless you with a biological child or an adopted child or a "spiritual" child, but I pray that His plan be carried out to the full in your life. I pray this intention with my entire being.
In case you are curious as to what treatments I had recently completed prior to conceiving, I will post that information in my next update.
Prayers for all of you, my dear sisters in Christ.