Saturday, April 26, 2014

It Never Completely Goes Away, Does It?

Something I have noticed even amidst abundant joy with my current family situation is a very small footprint...or etching of sadness.  It isn't always very noticeable.  I am not depressed or anything.  Perhaps since puberty I have been a little on the morose side at times.  Maybe it's just part of the human condition.  However, I really think it is related to my past struggles with sub/infertility.

It could just be that I need to break some bad habits in the way I think and react.  Why is it that I still feel a pin prick of sadness and envy when I find out someone is expecting?  

At other times, the difference in age between my two sons, although convenient at times, can be a painful reminder.  Or...I may see a larger family and wonder if sub/infertility will continue to be a part of our story as we possibly attempt to conceive again.

Don't get me wrong, I am so very happy with the blessings I have.  The majority of the time, I do not think about these things.  I am attempting to live in the moment and not get ahead of myself.  I know God is taking care of me, and I try to abandon these anxieties into His hands.

I am not sure what I expected, but I guess it makes sense that the pain is always with you somewhat.  I have heard before that even after "overcoming" infertility, the effects remain.  I think it may have been This Cross I Embrace who mentioned this.

Have any of you experienced the painful scars of infertility even after adopting or conceiving?  Have you heard of others who have?

4 comments:

  1. While I can't relate personally, I've heard so many women talk about this, that it never really goes away.

    There is a piece of me that is grateful to know that, because it means that this all really does hurt that bad right now, it's not just in my head and I'm not just exaggerating it.

    (And, if you are on FB and would like, there is a wonderful group of Catholic women who are infertile - both primary and secondary, I think you would find lots of support among us. Just email me for info and I can add you (it's a "secret" group, so you can't find it unless someone in the group adds you). My email is RebeccaWVU02@gmail.com.)

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  2. Thanks, Rebecca! I am going to email you regarding the FB group.

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